we're running out of gas

shooting stars are not stars at all. they're just rocks that enter the atmosphere and catch fire under friction. what we wish on, when we see one, is only a trail of debris.

-

"you don't have to say anything if you don't want to."

she lies down, her head pillowed against my shoulder. every second, another streak of silver glows: parentheses, exclamation points, commas - a whole grammar made of light, for words too hard to speak.

-my sister's keeper. jodi picoulti.



-


sort of hibernating
i think sometimes i need that..
wonder how people go for endless parties and not grow weary.
but then again,
thats just me.


anyways.
eternal throb in my head!
it only occurs repetitively every afternoon.
cant blame it on math since i have officially left my brains to disintegrate ever since promos..


how now brown cow..
should i quit my job as a tutor..??
i wont be employed and be part of the paycheck-recieving working population to contribute to the economy! (though im aware that my measly pay hardly counts for anything but still.!)

i think i might miss the kids..
esp the 8 year old! (yesyes my favourite friend ah. haha)
though she sometimes cooks up fictatious comments like 'teacher i like your smile cos you look like a baby' :\ (imagine an 8 year old telling an almost 17 year old that she resembles an infant!!)
but sometimes also says the truth 'i love wendy teacher!'
and she also cries when i dont turn up or turn up later than usual..
so awww.
and how could i forget when we had such fun playing play-doh..
and when i sat there listening to her whine about how she hates her sister cos she stole her clothes, didnt let her cross the line of separation on their table.. (though i know deep down she loves her)
and how she persuaded me not her friend her classmates who pissed her off cos 'they very irritating one you know' (though i obviously dont know any of them..nor did i agree not to friend them cos in the first place, we arent even friends.! a logic she will never comprehend..)
and when she quizzed me endlessly about my boyfriend (who is, of course, non existent, but she somehow knows better than me myself and every week never fails to doodle stickmen on the whiteboard and surreptitiously scrawls 'wendy's boyfriend' on top of the spiky head of the latter..)
and..

okay so i will miss the kid.
:(
its so strange if you think about it..
never thought i'd grow fond of an 8 year old and actually be friends..


-


my train of thoughts suddenly backtracks to friday!

sometimes you just have good times with people
you dont exactly plan it but when the night falls and you find yourself walking around amongst well-lit streets (with a new buy in tow :), talking and gaining epiphany (of yourself and of the other person too) AND eating favourite one dollar ice cream (hahah), it makes me reallyyy happy.

happened a few times with different people
and the next time,
i hope it'd be with you.
but errr..
pretend i didnt say that..


-


we were such geeky thirteen year olds,
i miss all of that.
(you and your soccer socks!)

HAPPY 17TH, TINGS :D
GREATGREATGREAT year ahead,
i love you!

(details to be further recieved :)

shaded by the red

am turning into a full pledged ah ma / aunty..
first my mum said i dress like one when i attempted to look formal
then me and Da realise our eyelids are growing heavy at around 5+ cos we havent taken our afternoon naps (something we have coincidentally adopted post promos..)
and now i find myself very interested in Fullhouse..cant wait for Tings to come back and lend me! (though i dont know what on earth is she doing watching Korean drama in LA and how she laid her hands on the foreign object..)

:
goodness gracious.


anyway, pw op dry run was ohkay i guess
was a nervous wreck but gradually grew tired of waiting and it wore off
haha.


hrmm. some people, tsktsk. whyy again and again.


anyways, the discovery of the existence of infrared-ing and developing photos was amazing! though some people thought we were taking neoprints, YES..

had nice and mellow day with the Dsf,
old friends always feel good.
for some reason, i wish i was still an ij girl.

Nana also troubled Mr. Darling in another way
He sometimes had a feeling she did not admire him.
-Peter Pan


-


phi just lying aroundd on a Sunday with you's the best <3 stop deserting me with secret trips to Far East! >:| thanks for the cuteeee eraser :D my nails STILL smell of really strong nail polish!
nana THANKS for cookies ah, lucks for tmrw, The Confrontation..
TINGS haircut was :\ miss you! call me soon? (:
jyingz your call at 11pm was NOT lame at all ah..


for once, no tutoring!
hurrah!


breakfast buffet was : O
everyone had more than one helping
omgness the choc cream puff and eclair ! it just oozes out..
was blissfully contented, haha

my cousin who got married is like, 30 years old.
she looks like she's in her mid-twenties!
imagine when IM thirty!
sheeshhhh.

anywayy
had failed tanning mission 101 AGAIN
was up at Nana's rooftop, so just sat there talking
bought kitten heels (Charm! cheers, MATE :)
halloween costume plans! mighty exciting!
hope it doesnt all diminish like it always did..
dinner at Nooch w Ree was lovelyyyyyy, caught up a lil (:


-


a lil sth frm old OC eps!


Summer: The more time i spend with zach, the less times i think about ... God, what's his face? Built like a bean pole, curly hair, runs away like a little bitch on his sailboat, leaving nothing but a note for his girlfriend who cried over and over for him until the Fourth of July until she decides she doesn't cry over bitches on sailboats.
Marissa: Seth. His name. It's Seth.

Seth: Mom, I'm not feeling well today, I don't think I can go to school.
Ryan: Maybe you've gt the SUMMERf lu. Maybe you need some ANNAbiotics.

Alex: She can't fall for you if you aren't there to catch her.


:D


school tmrw.
draggg.

When you close your eyes
Do you like what you see?
Inside your mind
And do you like to dream
About the stars above?
Once in a while
Don't go to the other side
For nothing at all
Better make it worth your while
I'm gonna break down that wall
I'm gonna take the fall
Cause

Don't go to the other side
For once in a while
Once in a while


the best friend just called
she always seem to when im down and in the midst of emailing her haha
and now im happy (:

On the plane step up with both my feet,
Riding in seat number 3 on a flight to NYC,
Got my bean in a coffee cup next to my seat,
Catch the view and another good book to read,
Sending me home on the friendly skies,
Missin' her eyes,
It's always Penny and me tonight,

Cause Penny and me like to roll the windows down,
Turn the radio up, and push the pedal to the ground,
And Penny and me like to gaze at starry skies,
Close our eyes, pretend to fly,
It's always Penny and me tonight,

Staring at a million city lights,
But it's still Penny and I all alone beneath the sky,
Feel the wind brushing slowly by,
If I could soar I would try, to take these wings and fly,
Away to where the leaves turn red,
But no matter where I am instead,
Singin' along to feelin' alright,
We're makin' it by in the pink moonlight,
It's always Penny and me tonight,

Penny likes to get away,
And drown her pain, in lemonade,
And Penny Dreams Of Rainy Days,
And Nights Up Late By The Fireplace
An aimless conversations bout' the better days


reminds me of tings, (remember this?)
makes me (:

p.s i really need your address!

love, actually, is all around

hee. as you can tell, just finished watching Love Actually again,
cant wipe off that cheesy smile off my face
this one's 5 popcorns!
:)
how pretty the rows of English houses are..
very very lovely.
hrmpf. i wanna live in England too!


anyway ystd ws quite :)
a sleepy candy empire trip secretly turned into a shopping affair..got high in ArtFriend by colour pencils (a box of markers can cost 931 bucks?!?! not $9.31, nine hundred and thirty one bucks!!) and intricate lil ornament stuff..and then ltr at HMV (dyknw tht SOUNDTRACKS can cost 50 bucks for one album..seriously doubt the overpriced cds are any good to 'stealing' music online..are are they mad?!?!?) and heated discussion at yoshinoya haha
and i bumped into dadeedoo and mina (who squealed in excitement in the middle of dhoby ghaut mrt station..haha) ! haha dinah whr were you..
haha nvm, shall be seeing these 3 ltr on, (secretly hoping all will be in favour of watching Goal or Corpse Bride)
chanmalis without tings..
ohwell.
reunion in dec though! :D


and btw, TINGS, i need your add ASAP!!
hurry email me your address ! and have you found out abt the code area nonsense thing? cant figure it out yet, cant call you!
p.s miss you!


anywayy results were ohkay,
Math was just really terrible though
but Econs was a pleasant surprise haha, just really lucky
hrm, hope no one has to retain in our class.. :

Steph, Ree, Nana,
PHEW.
told you you guys would promote..!


oh, had Friends marathon earlier with Yue Wen and Lay Zheng (HAHAH pls dnt kill me)
sweeeeetness :)
errr but Ree, i really dont think Chandler is "SO CHARMING!"
maybe a little feifei thats all..hahah.


and met Don, another day too, for dinner..
disgusting encounter before he came, but nevermind..
we walked round and round and caught up a lil..
furiously moving our legs and our mouths haha
so much has been going on in cj..tskkkkkk.
cant wait to see Hwing! :)


alrightyy
am off..


//EDIT
rightt.
yea so why dont you call me or even, reply my mail when you feel like it.
welllll.
i guess 5 years will never beat 10.
this seriously sucks.
i hate wrong timings.
and myself, for letting it happen.
but i cant help it!
and maybe you just stopped bothering.
maybe i dont seem it,
but i do think about you hell a lot
and i miss you like, a lot
and i tell everyone about you
and well, im sorry im not that chatty,
or funny, for that matter.
but everything has changed.
dont you care too?

what a beautiful smile
can i stay for a while


on a scale of 5,

elephant ; 2.5 popcorns
sisterhood of the travelling pants ; 4 popcorns
matchstick men ; 3.5 popcorns
laguna beach ; 3 popcorns
thirteen ; 3 popcorns
uncut oc ; 4.5 popcorns :D
hours catching up with sabrina wheeee + choc and banana walnuts ; 101 popcorns


things to do,

clean up my bedside table reallyyyy soon..huge mess.
delete friendster account..feeling lame now holding its membership..
get ready to tannnn with phi :D ..-looks at grey sky.. :prepare myself for reviewing of all the papers tmrw..HORRORS.
tinkerbell's 17th pres :)

-


some changes are good :)
others not..

discovery of wayyyy too drastic changes, -101 popcorns.


// EDIT
so not thinking about loss of my Ms. Rock..
or at least, i know
we're on our way there..
tell me i can lean on you again.

finch ;
Can't you see that I wanna be
there with open arms
It's empty tonight and I'm all alone
Get me through this one


got a whole list of new songs
but where is the poddie?!??!?
grr.
>:c

Your Brain is 66.67% Female, 33.33% Male

Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

i wanna watch corpse's bride.!

Looking back
How did I get here?
Chasing circles
Never thought so near
I'm shaded by the red

so tonight
i realise
maybe what's right has always been wrong.
maybe it will never be right.


// tings; i miss i miss i miss you. :c

maybe thats what it takes ; alex parks

yayness,
the dreaded promos finally over!
will definitely not do well
but hoping to do ohkay..


ystd caught Into the Blue (reallyreally good ++ hot Jessica Alba constantly swimming around like a mermaid pls) with the Sporty minus busy nette..were totally drained and zombie-ish..though ice cream was yummy and random chitchatness suddenly dawned upon us..only to be replaced by sleepyness again..haha. 3hour papers are killers.

and today went shoppingggggg
:D :D
happiness!
phi iloveyou! hee. had a great great time :) (stop being so Maternity like pls! -shoots daggers at you)
LOVE/LIKE!
all the shops had really good stuff..like zara suddenly has this Out Of This World top..okay maybe just Out Of Singapore but its really..! okay but too big for me soooo..
but still, am a happy contented girl !
while everyone else is squashed up at the partyyy..


tutoring tmrw morning..
yikes.
really not looking fwd to it anymore.
despite the kids' cuteness. (only sometimes, when they arent nasty and playing fun play-doh with me haha)


grr awaiting my poddie placement AGAIN
i swear im so annoyed..
within TWO weeks my poddie's down AGAIN
i didnt even exactly drop it or anything..
its practically spanking new!
TSK.
another week and a half of music-less world.



on repeat.
lifehouse ; sick cycle carousel.
hot hot heat ; goodnight goodnight

nothing but nothing

tsk! blgoger is so down. im reduced to editing my prev post to blog..
so it really is 031005, monday today.


meals are all screwed upside down..
jyingzz says maybe im stressed without knowing..

urgh. promos suck. cnt wait for it all to be over !!
although studying at the airport is secretly woohoo hahah.
but phi just overdid it la. whoever stays over at the airport for 2 nights?? totally treating it like our homes. haha. but we're not the only ones.. apparently freaky people who stare at people unnervingly and laugh to themselves in the toilet stay over too..
spotting of the Zac lookalike!
yea butttt..haha.
no seth cohens. alrightyyy im off.


tings hello I MISS YOU please..promos driving me nuts :/ i'll buy the card to call you soon! hope all is well :) <3 you.


By the way you brought me here,
It makes believe,
the best is still yet to come,
and I don't want to leave.
Forgive my hesitation but I'm learning to trust in you.
Help me to dream these dreams
because I don't have a clue.


favourite at the moment :)
thanks, c.
oh well.


ohmy cant believe i actually entertained the thought of being itsy bitsy sad whn promos end cos i'll miss study seshs. (??!?!) psychotic. okay take care and lucks, people.


-



sweetNOTHINGS

tings there are too many songs for us! but nonetheless yknw i <3 you so and I MISS YOUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i knw..so sorry about it..call me soon?? -sends you some mittens in the falling degrees. :) the ipod nano is COOL. DEAD COOL. lucky you! wht you gonna do with greenie poddie?

Pour me some wine, join me tonight
Surround me with your happy faces
Share some fun stories, stay up all night
Surround me with your friendly faces
Life is so good when I'm with you
I needed the laughs, I needed you tonight
life is so good when I'm with you
So look at me, when I'm not aware
Then you'll see, I cannot do without you
I'll be right there, if you ask me to
If you're feeling sad, I'll stay with you
And if you're scared, I'll hold your hand
Like I know you'd do for me too.

even if i made girllllllfriends (girlyyfriends),
know that i'll still need you. shalb!



Far away, I feel your beating heart
All alone, beneathe the crystal stars
Staring into space, what a lonely face
I'll try to find my place with you

What a Beautiful smile
Can I stay for a while
On this beautiful night
We'll make everything right


cos life's like this
and not at all seth-and-summer
and we're not marissa-and-summer
BUT yknw im alwayssss here -


i wanna hold your hand

this simple line!
miss you. till then, <3.

-


anywayyy a long expired account on the past week..

happy birthday REEraroo pls dont stay mad with me >:(
happy birthday SAMmiekins you poor decieved girl, but arent you glad all the same

:))

happy tidings during the surprise party!
blowing balloons + oily kitchen + drinks maker + fresh air + running around + changing in staircase corridors + stealing food + no money but free oreos + ALMOST leaking of news + the cousin and her tightfits + board making + ohmy the yummy food + pic taking ;; oreo ah focks, bright sparkles + the black sex songs + musical chairs to Fix You and blue black on my ass from the shoving + cabbing in the sleepy streetlights = FUN.


and many many attempts to escapades
resulting in 20cm scratch, muddy shoe (ohmy) being fetched out of school


accident-prone week
6 blue blacks, fever + flu, and the above mentioned 20cm scratch
sheesh..
how come its not mentioned in my horoscope readings!
yes fyi i do check it weekly.
haha
ok and ystd ws w phi the ultimate shopper..i was DYING of thirst, thank God for 40cents guardian mineral water. HAHA. wldve preferred our NTUC ice mountain secret though -looks at AMK kia. hahahha.


been thinking about karma alot and concluded that..


it prevails.



//EDIT 260905 mond
pops red signal
will the best friend call me pls :(

maybe its not about being alone, but feeling alone.

andand,
maybe i tried, maybe i didnt..

but being at a loss
all i want is to run to..
i dnt knw who anymore.
cos no one's at the receiving end anyway.

should i stay

:)

gp lesson
Midnight Talk
daddy's itsy sweetness
yummy food
bumping into mina (miss you!)
then bumping into don and etc.
overseas call from tinkerbell (albeit the contention this time :)
very conducive study location
nutty laughter, good times
neat hair day
waking up at 930a.m
choc! (peanut butter m&ms and ritter cornflakes anyone? :)
coldplay ; fix you


:(

completely weirded out, troubling, disturbing, awkward, uneasy afternoon and night (ystd)
sambal dishes = shitty stomach (pun! haha)
STRANGE & UNbeautiful
very erm haircut
all the 'catch up soon's from everyone
no swinging conversations with phi
sore throat
no strawberry milkshake
miscommunication with parents, or the lack thereof.
school.
I&R
promos


recently bumping into a lot of people.. like i havent seen nissa in more than half a year though she lives around me, but suddenly i saw her this morning. and etc etc. and its so coincidental tht whn i bump into people after such a long long time, im either carrying the same bag or the same tee i donned when we hung out. which is highly amazing if you dont think about the mighty embarrassing factor..its like the piecing of memory..! haha

and why why why are things this way?
tell me whyy~~
sigh feeling so crappy
time will not untie the knots i thought it would.. (this is so Twelfth Night)


Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days (years)
Making up for all this mess



oh welllll.
off to do tht I&R.

/edit
ooh. oc was so aww.
:)

coldplay

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace

...

(finally the right song, jyingzz!!)

Students increased to grand total of 7!
Beams. Okay, don't know whether to beam or freak out..
kids are a handful! >:(

Steph! Your book was very :) indeed, made my day. (not night though)

I ought to stop being cheesy and play all the sappy ballads..
Inducing the wrong emotions at the peak of my happiness today.
Right-o.
So..you really just leave me be?

i am no solution
to this sound of dispollution in me
and i was not the answer so forget if you ever thought
it was me

people are beginning to feel like balls
bouncing and bounding off me
does that make me the wall?!

and people who dont understand..
really just dont..


been Fake Studying as the Dreamy one would put it
with nana (yummy food! but did study a tad),
ree (completely jst sleeping and not pretending to study at all),
steph (ahem I studied while she read a book!?!? but yes phi im reading the book now haha and sorry for deserting you tht day again despite your protests tht all you wanted to do was go home and sleep anywayy..andand i can foresee you sleeping now..your screwed up body clock is too much..!)
and other days with jiang, charm, mat and d..


hols are ending..still not in the study mood..
so dead!
but well..
had a nice conver with Tinkerbell (i miss you! will check out a+f website yes :)
and also Midnight talks with the two Psychotic and Dreamy ones..
poddie is ready for collection today!!!! 4 days early :D :D
gonna finally study a little more.

its in the little things.


oh my God
i dont know what to do with my wardrobe..
-looks at clothes with disdain.
tings and jyingz dnt laugh at me!

im not gonna let us fall apart

have you ever felt like everything's slipping off your fingers
like you missed your chance when you could hold them tight
but just after that splitting second, its over..?

i dont want to be this wayy
but somehow i always miss the very second
being caught up in my nothingness

sooo
to all the people
im so very sorry
all your smiling faces are popping up in my head
and with a jolt i suddenly realise
im missing out so much!!!!!!!!


BOOHOO.
-sings ;; what have i done..


the best tinkerbell ever! i will email you! and finally tell you everyth thts been on my mind

stephiphi!! MONDAY MONDAY, rational bimbo! and get well soon you sickly galsxz! 2 weeks mc!!?!!? btw am very very :))))))) tht you always bother to msg me though yes sometimes im very very lazy or forget to rply :(((((((

ree+nana tmrw FINALLY!

dada AFTER PROMOS?!?! miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we mst take lotsa photos!! all tht i have of you are like, in sec3?!?!

ele girlllll. seriously, an image of your fish burger drawing appears whn i think of you. BOLD YOU SO. hpe your leg gets welly well and we both have healthy throats can finally finally sit down in macs (but they closed dwn the wisma one yknw :( and laugh at black undies / pants matching black top. haha!

hwing MISS YOU TOOOOOOO!! anw did you msg me? saw your name but accidentally deleted bfore reading. haha you! after promos! lots to tell me! +all the cj people..don, jolene, etc etc sighsigh.

and maybe when we're 80 we'll sit around with ralph lauren pillows laugh about how we had bumps in our early years and brushed off our conflicts cos we wouldve overcome them.


realise this entry is uber psychotic and full of rambles
but yes, hit by sudden realisation
and my books too!
im sorry ive been ignoring you or pretending to read you! i will..try tmrw!


and all who were there / are here / whatever, am very :) !
hehh.
<3

im away from the world's empathy

recently been feeling like ive been wasting my time
going places, saying words, doing things im not entirely keen about..
but everything's making a turn for the worse all of a sudden,
i dont know what to make of it..

sigh.
weary and wary again.
i swear, all the gradual revelations are driving me up the wall.
cant things just be simple and fathomable for once..


today's just an awfully unsuccessful attempt to study AGAIN..
and well, a lot of minds whirring like running tracks.


promos are up and coming :(

my poddie's gone. i hope they recycle and not crush it!! poor baby..
the replacement will only be ready 2 weeks from now..
what am i to do without it?!??!!


had sore eyes ystd..
walking around half blind and uncomfortably.
after being so used to having a layer of contact lens in my eyes,
feel so sleepy without them all day and night..
they uncannily keep me more awake..

was an attempt to shop and everything..
in the end was a bit productive! :)
and and dinner was nice!! suki = new hangout place. hahah
going gaga over kids clothes, trying on nightie spag straps (looking so sick and porn-ish!), talking and talking and talking and..

late night talks are the best.
i so miss them. -looks at tings pointedly. I MISS YOU and your huang shang'r-ness! (though you wouldnt believe it :(

wting thrs so much i wnt to tell you but i dnt knw how and cant.. :( :( but yknw youre the loveliesttttttttt. will mail you again soon. hope all's :) over there! have some unbelievable news to tell you. i can imagine your jaw dropping..sigh. i miss just swinging by your place or leaving st nicks in the aftnn for crystal jade or fish and co pls..the simplicity of things then..


the sweetest things always come with daunting omens to wreck things up.
doesnt it just make you wonder what can we actually believe in??


rahh.
gp essay.

hmrpf!!!!
feel like just throwing everything aside and screaming i dont careeeeeeeee!
weirdly angstygalsxz. must be pms..

take the plunge

study population in gardens burgeoning..
hard finding a non smoky and warm spot!
excessive eating = indigestion, and
nauseaus (sp?) stomach doesnt go well with swinging the night away
but it was all very :)

studying.

ugh.

omg discovery of studious boiz very worrying
unstrike studying!

studying.

there!


..but maybe its not that.

we keep saying forever.


I dig my toes into the sand.
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket.
I lean against the wind, pretend that i am weightless and in this moment i am happy.

I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here.

I lay my head onto the sand.
The sky resembles a backlit canopy with holes punched in it.
I'm counting ufo's.
I signal them with my lighter
and in this moment i am happy, happy.

The world's a roller coaster and I am not strapped in.
Maybe I should hold with care, but my hands are busy in the air.


HUANG WEITING you erpipi i miss you!!

never had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb

HAHA. today was damn funny +UNPRODUCTIVE
but quite :) caught up with psycho galz. finally ripping plastic cover off her zen..haha

my poor poddie's sick :(
worsening critical condition!
sigh.

was so fucking pissed just now,
comp is a stupid screwed up asshole!!
treating me like this at the wee hours in the morning!
cant believe i spent FIVE hours
doing gp proj and pw.
finally off to sleep now.


sigh.

-sings to myself. you're in the middle it'll up the ride..

sigh.
some people..
disappointing.


excessive sighs.

oh, and miss huang weiting rply my mail! miss you.

speechless >>

so,
what ive wanted to say is that..
maybe i got it wrong buttttt
the point is there is more to what you think the situation is like
but i dont know what / how to say it so........
yea.

haha.

today was quite an angsty day filled with pent up frustrations!
BUT it'll be okayy -singsong tone (whips out handkerchief and starts singing and dancing to j.tsai ._. -looks at sammiekins.)
..i hope

-


TINGS, I MISS AND <3 YOU SO!!!!!!! where art thou, my tinkerbelle!?! sorry about sunday btw.. :( -you are my centrestage. (ahem, jap surname boy?) haha and i need to tell you about disappearing and fading dinohair. sigh. stressed about upcoming promos but not doing anything much about it still :( how is it in L.A? and and CHECK YOUR MAIL! wish i could barge into your room again when im having a bad day or feel like giving you a surprise.. :(